Meaning
by Praetorian Guard
Summary: Sequel to Sunrays & Saturdays. Jason wants Courtney back and will do whatever it takes to make his desire a reality, even if it means pushing himself into a life that may already be complete without him. Based on the song'Meaning' by Gavin DeGraw.


**Disclaimer:** None of the characters from General Hospital belong to. I'm just temporarily borrowing them and (unfortunately) I'm not getting paid for it. The song "Meaning" belongs to Gavin DeGraw and company. Please don't post or publish this story anywhere else without my permission.

**Author's Note:** This story is a sequel to Sunrays and Saturdays, but you don't necessarily have to have read S&S to understand this story (although I won't discourage anyone from reading my other stories :-) When you're finished reading, please write a review telling me what you think, and please _be honest_. If you like it, great! If it sucks, tell me why, and what you think I should do to make it better. Enjoy, and as always, thanks for reading!

**Meaning **

A bright flash of lightning in the late night/early morning sky poured through the hall window of the upscale apartment building and illuminated the figure of a man in his late twenties. The figure held a small flashlight in his teeth as he expertly slipped the tools of his trade into the lock on the door to apartment 36A, the current residence of Courtney Morgan. With a soft click the lock unlatched and the door opened a crack. The man quickly put the tools back in their case and slipped into the apartment.

As a loud clap of thunder shook the building Jason jumped, dropping his flashlight. It clattered to the ground and with a small spark the light bulb broke. Jason silently cursed himself for being so clumsy. Now he was completely enshrouded in darkness, except for the occasional flash of lightning. Jason took a deep breath and tried to calm his shaky nerves. He never got like this on regular jobs. He was always perfect: quick, quiet, efficient and calm. But this was not a normal job and so far he hadn't been quiet, efficient or calm. He had been loud, clumsy and nervous as hell.

It had been six months since Jason and Courtney's life-shattering argument and it had taken six months for Jason to work up the nerve to go after her. The past two and a half weeks had been spent looking for Courtney. She had done a god job of severing all ties to Port Charles but eventually Jason had tracked her down and now here he was, standing in the modestly expensive, upscale Chicago apartment.

Jason dragged his hand up the wall by the door until he felt a light switch. He knew the danger of turning the lights on, but it was the middle of the night and the chances of being caught were slim. And maybe being caught wouldn't be so bad. He could picture Courtney cautiously peaking around the corner, looking slightly nervous at the thought of an intruder, and then, after seeing that it was Jason, running to him and throwing her arms around him. _"That would be nice,"_ he thought. He missed her arms being around him. He missed it a lot.

Without a second thought Jason flicked the switch up and…nothing. No lights, no excited Courtney, nothing. The power must have gone out in the storm which meant that he was trying to find his way around a dark, unfamiliar environment. Jason took another deep calming breath and thought for a minute. Courtney loved candles so there were probably some in the apartment somewhere. At the next flash of lightning Jason quickly surveyed the living room and made a mental note of where the furniture was located. Just as he had thought, there was a candle sitting on the shelf of a bookcase that was built into the wall, to his right. He quickly made his way to the bookcase, being sure not to kick the large potted plant that stood in his path, and felt around carefully until his fingers grazed the smooth waxy surface of the candle. Jason ran his hand across the neatly arranged books on the shelf until he came to the end of the row. There, between the last book and the side of the shelf he found a small lighter. He shook his head, smiling at how well he knew her.

When the candle was lit, Jason replaced the lighter and took a step back from the book case to examine the other objects on the shelves. As his eyes roamed across the shelves something glinted in the candle light. Jason brought the candle over by the object. It was a silver picture frame containing a picture of the two of them. They were sitting on a couch in the loft. Jason remembered the night they took that picture. It seemed like yesterday.

_Courtney placed the camera on the tripod which was set up to the right of the fireplace. As she focused the lens on Jason, who sitting on the cream-colored couch, she had to stop for a minute and admire the way the firelight danced across his face. _

_"Okay, don't move," she said, setting the timer on the camera for ten seconds. Being careful not to hit the tripod, Courtney walked around it to the couch and curled up next to Jason. She took a quick glance at his face before looking at the camera herself. _

_"Jason! Smile!" she scolded. He looked at her with a mischievous smirk._

_"Make me," he dared her. Courtney raised her eyebrow at his challenge and then poked him in his stomach, right below his ribs. It was the only place on his entire body that he was ticklish. Jason gasped in surprise before grabbing both of her hands. She was the only person who knew he was ticklish. It was her secret weapon which she only used in emergency situations, but this constituted an emergency. They both looked at the camera just in time for the flash to go off. The picture actually turned out very nicely. Both of were them smiling, Jason with his arms wrapped around Courtney and Courtney snuggling tightly against Jason's chest, but less than a second after the flash went off they had forgotten about the picture and were caught up in a massive tickling fight. The fight ended with Jason begging for a truce and Courtney agreeing, on the one condition that they could spend the rest of the night there on the couch in front of the fire…and so they did._

Those were the times with Courtney that he always wanted to remember. Those had been the best times of their lives. It was strange for Jason to be staring at that memory through a picture frame when he could see it so vividly in his head.

Jason wasn't the kind of guy who believed in the "what might have been" world. He had learned the hard way at a young age that it was too painful of a world to live in, so he promised himself that he never would, but for the first time in a very long time he found himself making an exception to that rule. He considered what his life would be like today if he and Courtney had never split up. As a series of images flashed through his mind waves of regret rolled over him and he remembered why this was something he vowed not to do to himself. It was too late to change what could have been, but it wasn't too late to put a new set of events into motion. So what if he didn't believe in the "what could have been." What he did believe was that love had a meaning and reason in the world, and now more that ever he needed to find that meaning.

Jason held the candle high in the air so that he could see more of the room around him. He thought it was interesting how much the room changed and evolved as the small light from the candle moved around, casting shadows and making things appear much different than they really were. He froze as the candle illuminated a coat stand to his left. For a brief moment it had looked like a person. Jason took a deep breath. He was restless and he knew from past experience that when he was restless he was careless. _"Just get on with it," _he told himself._ "Either find Courtney or leave."_ At this point he knew leaving was not an option. So he gathered himself together and focused his thoughts on the reason why he had come.

Jason walked across the living room and down a narrow hall. At the end of the hall were two doors. One led to a bathroom, but the other was only open a crack. Gently, Jason pushed the door and it opened with a soft creak. Jason silently slipped inside, hoping that the sound of the door wouldn't be enough to wake Courtney. No more than eight feet in front of him he could see the outline of a bed. As Courtney's form came into focus Jason had to stop and admire her in the candle light. Its soft glow made her blond hair shimmer on the pillow. At some point during the night, a few strands had fallen across her face. Jason set the candle down on the nightstand next to the bed and knelt down by her sleeping form, gently tucking the strands back into place. Courtney stirred as his fingers brushed across her face, but did not wake. Jason couldn't believe how peaceful she looked. _"Like an angel," _he thought. She seemed so at peace with the world that he almost couldn't bring himself to wake her, but he knew that he had to. The moment she awoke, their life together could begin again. Everything would be alright the moment she opened her eyes and saw that he was there with her.

Jason took a deep breath, ready to throw himself head over heels into that new life and suddenly fell over backwards in shock as a man's hand snaked out of the covers beside Courtney and draped itself over her body. Jason stood up quickly and grabbed the candle off the nightstand, spilling hot wax on his hand. He cursed under his breath, though he wasn't sure if it was from the pain of the wax burning his hand or the pain of the burning in his heart. The fact that Courtney might be with someone else had not ever crossed his mind. Sure, they had had a fight, but she should have known that he would come after her. And she should have waited for him. That was how he had pictured it. That was how it was supposed to be.

Jason took a step closer to the bed, holding the candle over his head so that he could see the entire picture that lay before him. There was Courtney, peaceful and beautiful and lying next to her was a man Jason had never seen before, with a protective arm lovingly wrapped around her, shielding her from the evils of the world, even while they slept.

Jason had to marvel, once again, at how shifting the light from the candle to a slightly different location created an entirely different scene than the one that had been in front of him moments ago. Less than a minute before, he had been Jason, the only man for Courtney. Now, with the simple movement of a stupid candle he had become Jason, the man that could only watch Courtney and think of what he could have had.

Jason had made a mistake…the biggest mistake of all. He had made the mistake of loving an unattainable woman. When you're a kid, you can make a mistake and then say that you've learned from it and have everything be okay, but Jason knew that learning from your mistakes was only something that worked in youth. There was no way to make this situation right.

Maybe if he had tried months ago things might have been different. But Jason wasn't the kind of guy who believed in the "what might have been" world. He had learned the hard way at a young age that it was too painful of a world to live in, so he again promised himself that he would never again subject himself to that kind of pain.

For the second time that night Jason felt like he was looking at life through a picture frame. It was a life that was pretty to look at, but not one that he could ever live. Jason blew out the candle and the picture in front of him vanished, along with any hopes, regrets, or chances he had at another life. But in spite of his loss he smiled, knowing that Courtney was happy and had someone to look after her. Jason set the candle down on her nightstand and left her apartment without making another sound.

There was a bright flash of lightning in the late night/early morning sky and Courtney sat up straight in bed with a gasp.

"What's wrong?" asked a concerned, sleepy voice next to her. The truth was, Courtney didn't know what was wrong. She had been having a dream…a dream about Jason. She dreamt that he had been in her apartment, watching over her as she slept. She could almost feel his presence…could almost feel the place on her cheek where his soft fingers so gently touched. There was a strange smell in the air, as if someone had just blown out a candle. Courtney looked around the dark and empty room and saw a candle sitting on her nightstand. She stared at it with a mixture of wonder and bewilderment.

"Nothing's wrong, honey. I just had a good dream. Go back to sleep."

As Courtney lay back down and snuggled into the cozy arms of the man next to her, she smiled, knowing that in some way, on some level, Jason would always be watching over her.


End file.
